you got the love.

• 
  
  "Later that day, I got to thinking about relationships.There are those that open you up to something new and exotic.Those that are old and familiar.Those that bring up lots of questions.Those that bring you somewhere unexpected.Those that bring you far from where you started. And those that bring you back.

  But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all...is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you, you love, Well, that's just fabulous."

  Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  
• I have been thinking about relationships lately and I don't think I can put in better words than those above the many different kinds of relationships there just might be. Moving to a new city where you no virtually no one makes you appreciate the relative comfort of the relationships who already have as well has see just how strong they are. Another interesting thing about moving to a new city is how hard making real connections actually is when there isn't a pretext of going though the same experience like moving away to college to act as a starting point. Its interesting to meet and converse with someone with the full knowledge that the chances of ever seeing that person again are very very slim, but you talk about whatever, laugh together and share a bit of yourselves  regardless of how meaningless the conversation actually is and that is the beauty and the curse of virtual anonymity because sooner or later, you are going to need and want something more concrete.  You're going to miss the easy moments with friends and family that are now not as easy to organize and the I should have are starting to pile up.  I guess I have had relationships on the mind because it seems everyone around me is settling down, moving in together, getting married and having and/ or planning to have babies and I seem to be running away fast in the opposite direction. The thing about other people doing all this sort of makes you think about it yourself.  When I was younger I would have just dismissed the idea of marriage and would have said something along the lines of "its for other people, not me" but I think now its more of a maybe I could be the marrying type, maybe and even if I were to get married it wouldn't be now, definitely later and as for kids, at the moment thats still a solid no. Most days I feel like I can barely take of my needs yet alone the needs of someone more needy than I am.
  
• At the moment, I like where I am...unattached and free to roam the world. fabulous. 

music equals magic

There is something about hearing a song for the first time, the uncertainty and anticipation about whether or not you will connect with that song.Music is a lot of things for a lot of different people. For some is a way to escape, to forget, to remember and to belong.  For me music is all those things as well as about connecting and getting a sense of camaraderie  and a sense of I am not alone after all. Music is magic in its own way, the way it is strongly attached to memories is extraordinary. Like how every time I hear On the Radio by Regina Spektor I am immediately transported to furiously writing a paper at 5am in the morning that was due in two hours , or how It's A Metaphor fool  by Say Anything reminds me of my roommate and our dorm room and all the memories we made there.

When I have a good playlist going, I feel like I am actually never alone, and I feel like my train ride was actually shorter than I thought it would be because the music made the journey. I guess this is like my ode to music, to the songs that mean so much to me, to the catchy ones that terrorize me, to the ones I love to hate.

To Music.

do blah blah blah in london town.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

I think I made the decision that one day I wanted to live in London when I was about thirteen, this might have been under the influence of teen punch drunk crush on one Jude Law and complete awe of the Spice Girls...I know, I know, it was ten years ago, I was young and ridiculous... get over it. It has taken plenty of years of false starts to finally be able to say I am going to London, yes the reasons have shifted and evolved just as I have but at the moment that thirteen year old is screaming her heart out...oh wait I think she just passed out from uttter excitement...no worries, she will be fine :)

I have always had this sense of London was something I had to do for myself. I am fascinated by the history, the culture and the people. I have always wanted to experience it all myself. Mind you, this is not the only place I want to visit, if I could I would want to live everywhere just for a little while. 

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” – Martin Buber

I am excited, terrified, anxious, ecstatic and buried under a mountain of paper work and information I am trying to make sense of. I think it just hit me today that I am really doing this and in came the questions, where will I live?, what's the best place?, the cheapest?, the closest to school?, can I get a job,? do I need a job?, what about my phone?, can I use it there without AT&T? what about my netflix account? Will I meet people? Will my visa get here on time? is the tube easy to learn? and a whole gang of other questions and concerns I haven't even thought about yet. One thing I am not worried about is the English differences. I was raised on the Queens English and hallelujah to that, even now ten years later, I still say till and gawked at like a crazy person, so at least that's one less thing. 

I am just excited about the opportunity and the experiences that are in store for me and how they will change me as a person.