I have endured many losses in my life, a father's love that should have been a birthright, but instead is a void filled with lies, resentment and empty promises. As an adult who has been somewhat jaded by the world. I remember a little girl no older than eight waiting naively with a packed suitcase by the door for a father who never came but believing week after week that it would happen in that way only a child could do. My mother never talked about my father, not in a good light and never in a bad one either and for that I am grateful and disappointed. I am glad I learned for myself about the kind of man he is while irrationally I wish she would have protected me from the truth she undoubtedly knew. While I know I am not the only girl with dad issues, hell men have capitalized on this for ages there are so plenty of us, I think my friends alone make out a good chunk of the percentage, its the dealing with it that makes all the difference. Now its not only the daddy issues that makes this girl, its a whole host of other experiences,this one is one I can't reconcile with for some reason. It clings to every relationship attempt, attempt because one way or another I will fuck it up. All I can say is introspection is a bitch.
I do not know why I just thought about this now, this was suppose to be a light and fluffy blog post about how I managed to burn the skin of my nose today ( as if I wasn't hideous enough) cooking. I manage to amaze even myself with the situations I get into. I thought it was a boring life I was leading, little did I know about the spluttering hot oil with perfect aim. Even though it seems I will be okay, no skin grafts needed cause that would have been truly unfortunate, the pain was unbearable and neosporin can die cause it did nothing for the burn, I had to take like a million advils ( hello pain medication addiction) soon enough I will be doing a fabulous 30 day stint in rehab and writing a revealing tell all autobiography about my sordid if not fabulous/fierce past.
Oh if wishes were dreams.
I do not know why I just thought about this now, this was suppose to be a light and fluffy blog post about how I managed to burn the skin of my nose today ( as if I wasn't hideous enough) cooking. I manage to amaze even myself with the situations I get into. I thought it was a boring life I was leading, little did I know about the spluttering hot oil with perfect aim. Even though it seems I will be okay, no skin grafts needed cause that would have been truly unfortunate, the pain was unbearable and neosporin can die cause it did nothing for the burn, I had to take like a million advils ( hello pain medication addiction) soon enough I will be doing a fabulous 30 day stint in rehab and writing a revealing tell all autobiography about my sordid if not fabulous/fierce past.
Oh if wishes were dreams.
I better be getting an autographed, pre-released copy of your book. And then the rights to it so I can make a movie out of it.
ReplyDeleteYou have a blog! I am so thrilled. Your writing is beautiful & honest! I love you!
ReplyDeleteAfter every failed relationship I wonder how long my 'father issues' will plague me. Other times I believe I will be a way better parent. I will actually hug my kids, tell them I love them, and not make them feel like nothing as much as I have.
ReplyDeleteBut most other times I remind myself that I might ruin some poor kid's life too. I might not show up for a game, or remember to kiss them enough...
Yes, If you didnt know...I ramble. A lot. Love the blog.
Tee