the journey is home.

A recurring theme in my life as been trying to figure out were home is. Looking back, I have even talked about it when I went back to Zimbabwe after so many years away. I am forever trying to reconcile my Zimbabwean heritage with my American upbringing and my need to explore the rest of the world to find those pieces of myself in those yet to be discovered places. I find myself being uncomfortable with being in the same place all the time, I have travelled away from home at very opportunity since I can remember and in the recent months, I have gone above and beyond to prove that. It might have something to do with hating my job, but that's another story, another dollar. In the recent months so many changes have taken place and what I can say I have taken way from it is that for me at least, I have figured out that the journey is home. The constant exploration of new and old places and faces is what grounds me when the positive is hard to find or I am at my wits' end. Figuring out where home is like a piece of the puzzle that is my so called life slotting into place, discovering something about myself that settles the constant questions that are forever swirling relentlessly in my mind.

It's been months since I have felt like putting my thoughts down and I am glad I am getting my mojo back. It's definitely time to start again.

As We Discover Who We Are

It's been a couple of months since I graduated from college and I don't think I have ever been as lost as I am now. I can't seem to make a decision or the decisions I make seem to blow up in my face and it seems that four years of a college education are no longer enough to get a freaking job. No matter though, I always wanted  time off after college and while its not on my terms its time off. For the first time ever I am complaining because I have nothing to do and not because I have too much to do. It's an adjustment to say the least, I find myself clinging to the old and familiar things just so I can feel connected to something. The thing is I want to move on, I am ready for new things but I don't know where to go or I am to get there.

I like to plan out things, I have always been a fan of knowing where I am going, but as of late its been one day at a time. Everyday is the same, but the feelings are different. I read a lot, listen to music and at watch movies, these are things I have always done, but now they are lifelines as well as teachers. I might be out of school but I am learning; about myself and the world. Over the years I have become self aware, introspection is now a daily exercise. I have taken to writing nightly journal entries but nothing so public and usually in erratic patterns and even though I always promise to make it constant I always seem to fail. I usually write when I am overwhelmed by a single emotion and its usually anger.

I have found that I express things I didn't even know I want to voice in poetry. I love how I can start with a certain idea but in the span of writing it turns into something completely different yet just what I wanted. I never think its good enough because I know people who have natural talent with words. Writing has always been a private thing for me and not a day goes by I don't wish I could go back and do college over again if not only to take the courses I wanted and not the ones I was expected to. So in the darkness lighted only by computer light I write and at the end of every sentence or stanza, there is a sense of accomplishment and my heart smiles then.

I do hope actually make this blogging thing a regular occurance, because it not as if I have anything else to do.