#60 flexing the creative muscles.

I write occasionally. Sometimes I am really proud of what I accomplish, others I am glad I am the only person that has seen the nonsense that finds itself on a page without my knowledge. Part of the 101 challenge is to write a poem a month, now whether the poem will be good; well that's up to opinion and I always take those with a grain of salt or simply ignore them if I so choose. I do welcome constructive criticism- this means you have something to add thats relevent and will help instead of just saying I don't like it. So for the first in a series of 33, wow maybe I can publish a book after this ha. I present a little poem, thats been edited so many times I barely recognize ( apparently a writer never truly finished the editing process)  but I somehow like it. 

Heirloom 

a moment in time given

to the pain that coils about my body

like the comfort that made me cry

when you touched me like a family heirloom

Passed down

Precious and priceless

used and useless

I felt like I was

anywhere but my own skin.

the laugh lines around my eyes

become the only souvenirs of 

our time together. 

I find myself grasping for memories 

 that were once as vivid 

as this moment. 

your scent clings to me

becoming the essence of

another version of myself

altered by moments infused by your laughter

deceived by words that wrapped around me

comfortable, toxic

I don't know why I wrote it, but its out there now. 

busy as a bee.

It's been a week since I put up and committed to my list of a 101 things I want to accomplish in 2 .75 years and I've got to say, I am off to a bad start. I have yet to attempt even a single thing on the list. I don't even have a better excuse than life happens. In the past week, I have gotten into a fender bender, my first in my driving career. I was more pissed of than anything that it happened. I wasn't even on my phone or anything. It was one of those things that blindside you when you have plans and a million things to accomplish and no room in your budget to accommodate such things. The only thing is that it could have been much worse than it was but at the same I keep thinking it didn't need to happen at all. After the excitement of the minor traffic accident, I went with a friend to Washington D.C for four days. It was fun, I love DC and am making moves to make it my new address. Being the dork that I am,I salivated and spent an obscene amount of time at the Library of Congress. The place is awesome . The picture below, is one of the many things I love about the Library of Congress. Its of the Goddess Athena or Minerva. 

Not only was it fun, but I think I got some serious work out. We walked the National Mall from Capitol Hill, all the way to the Lincoln Memorial. I finally got to see all of that stuff so it was cool. Now I wish I had put some of the things I did this past weekend on my list, a lot of things would be getting crossed off. I plan on going back, there is still much to see in the federal city. 


I am hoping that things will settle down this week and I can sort of get back in the groove of things but I know its only wishful thinking, I have to start packing for my trip to Zimbabwe. I am excited, overwhelmed, scared, and just downright  think its weird that I am finally going back. I know I am going to feel like an outsider in a place I still consider home. I've changed and Zimbabwe has definitely changed, so hopefully it will be a nice to reacquaint 

i want to be free.

The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure , the process is its own reward. - Amelia Earhart

These days I am a fan of doing anything to break the monotomy of everyday life, so when I got the opprtunity of watching a movie( love it) for free(even better) I found myself agreeing before I even heard what movie it was, it turns out they were tickets to watch Amelia my excitement dropped a little. I love going to the movies, there is something about that big screen and the surround sound that just helps you get sucked into the story and for the popcorn, I am pretty sure is not a movie going experience without popcorn. I was't excited about watching Amelia because (excuse the critic for a minute) I didn't think that Hilary Swank could convince me that she was this larger than life woman who changed history. I walked in ready to hate everything about it, I was prepared to criticize at every chance. What I didn't except though was connecting so utterly with Amelia's life so much. The one thing she repeatedly said was that she just wanted to be free, free to see and experience the world.Through her passion, she was able to change the lives of many who only dreamed but never dared to try. When I walked into the movie, exactly how it was going to end and I was okay it that, when I walked out, I was planning a full blown search in my mind, she was probably just stuck on a cloud or something.

On the drive home, "I want to be free" sort of became a mantra in my head. It kept repeating itself over and over again, pushing to be forefront of every word I wanted to say. "I want to be free", it's a simple enough concept that everyone dreams of  but the execution of  the concept  is the difficult journey. For me that is the journey of life.

to the future and beyond.

Life is not a spectacle or a feast; it is a predicament. - George Santayana

I have taken on an awfully big adventure. There is a project called the DayZero Project in which you put together a list of a 101 things to do in 1001 days. It took me a while to finish this list before it doesn't seem like a lot but a 101 things is quite a lot when you have to come up with them. This project was brought to my attention by Rebecca and I have tried to get other friends to join in. I like the flexibility and the motivation it sort gives you to try to be proactive about the things you've always wanted to do.


The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days? 
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

October 19, 2009-July 15, 2012 

1)      Write a letter to myself to open in 10 years.

2)      Go to a music festival

3)      Go to Disneyworld

4)      Tip 100% to a really good server

5)      Take a vow of silence for 24 hours. 5 times.

6)      Complete a list of 100 things that make me happy

7)      Complete the Lord of Rings trilogy

8)      Finish seeing all 50 states. 20 down.

9)      See all Disney movies from 1930-2009. 

10)  Attend a Symphony

11)  Read 50 books

12)  Watch AFI’s Top 100 movies of all time (0/100)

13)  Road trip to Seattle

14)  Move to Washington, D.C

15)  Take a Picture of myself everyday for a year

16)  Spend the day at a spa

17)  Learn to identify 15 constellations

18)  Learn to Tango

19)  Be “Yes Man” for a week.

20)  Go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans

21)  Get a tattoo

22)  Learn how to make Sushi

23)  Go wine tasting  in Napa

24)  Make a Clock

25)  Take kickboxing class

26)  Go to a Drive- In movie

27)  Unplug for a weekend(0/5)

28)  Play in the rain

29)  Go to a shooting range

30)  Spend a weekend in Las Vegas

31)  Go on a cruise

32)  See 5 shows on Broadway shows

33)  Get second ear piercing

34)  Pay for coffee for the person behind me at Starbucks

35)  Bake Bread

36)   Try  10 new restaurants

37)  Lose 60 pounds

38)  Learn to meditate  and do so once a week (0/143)

39)   Try Pilates/Yoga

40)  Buy a DSLR camera

41)  Buy a Mac Book

42)  Try  one new recipe a month (0/33)

43)  Find a Job

44)  Finish a Master’s Program

45)  Get debt free

46)  Eat at Top Chef winner Harold Dietarle’s restaurant Perilla in NY

47)  Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen regularly

48)  Go the World Cup in 2010

49)  Train and run a 5k

50)  Ride a mechanical bull

51)  Eat dinner on top of the Space needle

52)  Join/start a book club

53)  See John Mayer in concert

54)  Save $50 dollars a month(0/33)

55)  Complete the 5, 000 word survey 

56)  Go to the Harry Potter themed section of Islands of Adventure

57)  Read all 100 greatest books 

58)  Get CPR certified

59)  Get a new pair of glasses

60)  Write a poem every month (0/33)

61)  Write in my journal once a week ( 0/143)

62)  Start my memoirs

63)  Go to 15 shows/concerts (0/15)

64)  Cook a 7 course meal for friends

65)  Drink more water

66)  Travel cross country by train

67)  Visit Mount Rushmore

68)  Write  a screenplay

69)  Go a ballet

70)  Donate 50,000 grains of Rice 

71)  Attend a Film Festival

72)  Complete a New York Times Sunday Puzzle ( 0/3)

73)  Learn to ice skake

74)  Do 75 creative writing prompts 

75)  Participate in a Scavenger Hunt

76)  Complete the 26 things Photographic Project 

77)  Do 25 random acts of kindness (0/25)

78)  Go to a Jazz/Blues bar in Chicago

79)  See How to Succeed in Business on Broadway

80)  Bake a cake from scratch

81)  Take myself out once a month (0/33)

82)  Take a Sign Language Class

83)  Treat Mom to a Trip

84)  Buy a Car

85)  Attend a food and wine festival

86)  Create a cocktail

87)  Learn how to use chopsticks properly

88)  Be an audience for Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert

89)  Eat 100% organic for a month( make habit)

90)  Stay in bed and breakfast for a weekend

91)  Compete a 1000 piece puzzle

92)  Go to the Renaissance Fair

93)  Ride the Ferris Wheel at Santa Monica Pier

94)  Go a professional Sporting Event

95)  Listen to Rolling Stones’ Top 500 songs(0/500)

96)  See Jason Mraz in concert

97)  Master 7 Classic Julia Childs Recipes

98)  Buy a digital camera

99)  Buy a pair of expensive jeans

100) Organize iTunes Library 

101) Spend a Weekend in Charleston, S.C

the business of faith: calling all you angels.

"Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.  Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.  Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." - Proverbs 4:23-27


Over the last couple of weeks, the issue of faith has come up a lot in my daily interactions with people and every time I have sat down to write a new entry, its always on the forefront of my mind, but I always choose a different topic because I always think I am not ready to talk about or that I can't even talk about it because I wouldn't know where to begin. Being from a pretty religious family, I certainly remember mandatory church Sundays with my grandmother while growing up  where I thought I got nothing out of the whole experience but lost playtime. As I grew older and mom started forcing me to go church, I was determined not to get anything from the experience if it killed me because I didn't want to be there. On top of that, I went to a catholic high school where not praying before each class period was the odd thing to do. With each church related experience, the further away from the whole experience I pulled away, until eventually I became jaded by the whole idea of faith. 


I want to say I blame the plenty of hypocrisy I experienced but to me its not even a good enough reason. Yes there are hypocritical Christians, but why should I let them determine my experience? During family gatherings, the issue of faith and belief if guaranteed to come up and for as long as I can remember I have always cited that faith is a personal thing. That my relationship with God, my faith and my belief is my and God alone, no one else should tell me what I should and should not do to be a "good Christian", what music to listen to, what to watch what to read, because those things to me do not affect my faith or lack there of. 


I have always been hesitant of talking about faith,church and stuff,  on most days I think I am a non believer, on my better days I wonder about my faith. I know that faith is a journey,  a personal one that is not easy and one that should be taken out of a person's free will and not forced or done to make other people happy. I have going to church ever since I can remember, less in the past couple of years because of college and just being disillusioned with the whole idea. I know doing to church doesn't make you a believer, it certainly wasn't that way for me, but I think its because church is an extension of your faith. I resent people who tell me, that church is the only way to pray. If my catholic education taught me anything its that prayer can happen anywhere, at anytime.   At the momemt I am not sure where I am in my faith but that's for me to find out as time goes by. 

The Men I Didn't Marry.

She sifted through her laundry list of lovers. Crossing out the inadequate ones she created the perfect portfolio of passion.

by William Reschkle

I suck at relationships. This might be my trust issues but I am convinced that my real problem is the many romantic comedies I have seen over the years.  I mean were is my tall, funny, handsome, witty, charming, successful, caring, responsible, awesome, thoughtful, amazing man. The one thats going to chase after me and convince me to be with him with the perfect words. Now I am well aware that men in these romantic comedies with their charming smiles do not actually exist because they are of a generic perfection, they appeal to every woman in that movie theater watching and falling in love just as much as I am but in the end you don't really want a laundry list of qualities, you want something solid and I think that's hard to come by and there should never be any settling.  I'm currently reading this book called "The Men I Didn't Marry" and it's all about looking back on your relationship past and wondering if you maybe ended it too soon or stayed too long or that your current relationship isn't the right one but you stay anyways because is comfortable, familiar but you're ultimately unhappy.  In the past weeks I have witnessed long term relationships come to and end and while its and unhappy time I commend those who make that decision to set each other free to try to find happiness elsewhere. 


There are a few times I mind being single, but mostly I think this is the right thing for right now. I refuse to settle just I could say I am in a relationship.