everyday is a school day.

Earlier on today, I got tagged in  blog post from Liadee but all I could read from it was that is was going to be a post about what her friends have taught her, and I couldn't read it right then so I got to thinking, what is it that I have taught someone, what mark have I left on her and on others what would warrant a mention. I was not entirely sure that I had taught anyone anything really. At the end of the day we are the sum total of those people and the lessons and impressions  they left on us and we chose to hang to to.  Those lessons we do hang on to are those we then pass on to others even if we don't realize it that we are leaving a part of ourselves to those we spend time with.

Once I got a chance to read what worldly lesson I had imparted to her, I couldn't help but laugh, because that same lesson is one my mother has been teaching ever since I could remember. Mama always said don't be stupid, think twice before you jump,  be practical. Of course during my rebellion years I did just the opposite and I got to learn some things about myself, the world and the people in th because of it. 

the twenty something plight

the hardest thing for twenty somethings, well for me at least is that its harder to make make real friends now that it was back then. It's not so much as making friends than it is the wanting the have the friends you have in the same vicinity has you, but that gets harder and harder as people move away and move on. So you fall into a routine because you have suddenly found yourself in a 9 to 5 which when you were younger you swore you wanted because it would fix all those life ending situations only a teenager can have, but no amount of Dolly Parton singing will turn back time, but this is what you wanted right? right? After work, are exhausted and you just want to sleep. and you repeat process. 

Sometimes I just want to scream that I want my friends back, my old life back, or something which I don't really know because another thing I can't seem to be able to so is made a life decision. figures. 

the journey is home.

A recurring theme in my life as been trying to figure out were home is. Looking back, I have even talked about it when I went back to Zimbabwe after so many years away. I am forever trying to reconcile my Zimbabwean heritage with my American upbringing and my need to explore the rest of the world to find those pieces of myself in those yet to be discovered places. I find myself being uncomfortable with being in the same place all the time, I have travelled away from home at very opportunity since I can remember and in the recent months, I have gone above and beyond to prove that. It might have something to do with hating my job, but that's another story, another dollar. In the recent months so many changes have taken place and what I can say I have taken way from it is that for me at least, I have figured out that the journey is home. The constant exploration of new and old places and faces is what grounds me when the positive is hard to find or I am at my wits' end. Figuring out where home is like a piece of the puzzle that is my so called life slotting into place, discovering something about myself that settles the constant questions that are forever swirling relentlessly in my mind.

It's been months since I have felt like putting my thoughts down and I am glad I am getting my mojo back. It's definitely time to start again.

you can't text message break-up:

"Now,not wanting to change it but having to change it? That takes everything you've got."- John Mayer

I have always hated text messaging, as I much prefer the swift phone call, but I went along with the times and joined the texting train. There is so much about texting that has always irritated me, you send a message and then you wait for the response, when you could have just called and said whatever it is that needs to be said. However, in today's world people seem to be losing the spoken word. I get it sometimes you can't talk because you are in a meeting, at work or around other people whatever the case maybe, but I think there should be some times that you can't text. Conversations that are too delicate and too important to have though text messages. Imagine a text message proposal, no one accepts that so why should it be acceptable for people avoid conversations by texting them. There are issues with how someone can receive a message and it reads like its not meant to and you end up with people putting words in your mouth and things get out of hand. That's why Carrie went crazy over being broken up with on a post it note,  I say post it note, text message, Dear John letters, emails or whatever shouldn't be used, its not right, it demeans the relationship, it says you are not even worth a phone call or even an in person conversation. 

So this is a pledge I am making to myself. I will no longer be using text message as means of communication. I will call, maybe leave a message and that's that. One good thing is I can now stop giving AT&T $10 per month for unlimited texting because I won't be needing it. I can actually even use that ten bucks to treat myself to some marathons at the $1.50 movie theatre. When a door closes, a window opens and all that jazz. 

dream big or go home

At the last minute, I have decided that I am going to participate in this year's National Novel Writing Month, in which I have to write 50, 000 words of a novel or have a completed novel by then.  It was an impulse decision, which seems to be how I do this anyways and it feels right that I at least attempt it. I feel like in my Master's degree so far I have written more than than so I should be able to write 50,000 words of whatever I want and hopefully without using the words International Relations  for once.  At this moment I got nothing. No plot, no characters, I don't even have a clue as to what kind of novel I am going to attempt to write. While I know it won't be science fiction, a mystery or suspense, I got noting. When I first decided I joked about my name coming after #1 New York Bestselling author, dream big or go home I say. I am interested in were this ridiculous attempt/adventure will take me, I am prepared to fail completely and utterly but I am hoping that this will become something I can be proud of myself for. It will certainly give me something to do and occupy my time and allow myself to see what I am capable of. This is also crazy because I have my school work to contend with so basically I am insane.

I currently have less than 500 words of what I don't know so luckly its no plot no problem, otherwise I would be in big trouble. There a NaNoWriMo kick off thing happening tonight so I am thinking about heading over there maybe I will be shamed into actually coming up with some that can possibly reach 50000 words by the end of November. I have a feeling that for me November will be learning month,  more so than usual, but as they say , everyday is a school day.

fleeting freedom

It's a bit weird to find myself back here, exactly were I started. I have always had this idea that to achieve freedom I should go far away from home, somewhere nobody knew who I was and what my story was so that I could have a blank slate to be whoever I wanted to be. So being me, I left home and moved to a foreign country to live a life long fantasy that allowed me buckets of freedom. There I was anonymous in the crowd, girl A and I had the freedom to be whoever I wanted to be. Sometimes I would go out with an alias like those secret agents, complete with background story, Diana Prince, Mary Jane Kent , Stella Rollingrock, for me the fun lay in the name as I would smile to myself when I said  because it was obviously a way to geek out on all the comic book, t.v or movie characters. I enjoyed the anonymity that I was afforded and being back here feels like I am caged in with no way out, I feel as though I have taken several steps backwards and I have to start over. I feel like I am losing this race against my own goals and expectations, like I have failed myself.  Things aren't has simple as  as they seemed to just a mere week ago before I came back home.

I feel like nothing has changed at all yet nothing is as it was before...well maybe me talking in vague confusing terms like Dumbledore or Mr Miyagi is the only difference.  I feel like how you feel when you get back into your driver's seat after someone else has driven your car and has changed your seat and I am trying to get it back to a comfortable position, but I don't want to comfortable position to be what it was before. England didn't change my life forever, it enriched it with new experiences, friends and most importantly freedom. It was exactly what the doctor ordered but now I have to figure out the next steps from here, from this place I feel like is caging me in from all angles wanting to keep me trapped and immediate response is wanting to run away as far as I can to get back I what think I lost.

you got the love.

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  "Later that day, I got to thinking about relationships.There are those that open you up to something new and exotic.Those that are old and familiar.Those that bring up lots of questions.Those that bring you somewhere unexpected.Those that bring you far from where you started. And those that bring you back.

  But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all...is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you, you love, Well, that's just fabulous."

  Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  
• I have been thinking about relationships lately and I don't think I can put in better words than those above the many different kinds of relationships there just might be. Moving to a new city where you no virtually no one makes you appreciate the relative comfort of the relationships who already have as well has see just how strong they are. Another interesting thing about moving to a new city is how hard making real connections actually is when there isn't a pretext of going though the same experience like moving away to college to act as a starting point. Its interesting to meet and converse with someone with the full knowledge that the chances of ever seeing that person again are very very slim, but you talk about whatever, laugh together and share a bit of yourselves  regardless of how meaningless the conversation actually is and that is the beauty and the curse of virtual anonymity because sooner or later, you are going to need and want something more concrete.  You're going to miss the easy moments with friends and family that are now not as easy to organize and the I should have are starting to pile up.  I guess I have had relationships on the mind because it seems everyone around me is settling down, moving in together, getting married and having and/ or planning to have babies and I seem to be running away fast in the opposite direction. The thing about other people doing all this sort of makes you think about it yourself.  When I was younger I would have just dismissed the idea of marriage and would have said something along the lines of "its for other people, not me" but I think now its more of a maybe I could be the marrying type, maybe and even if I were to get married it wouldn't be now, definitely later and as for kids, at the moment thats still a solid no. Most days I feel like I can barely take of my needs yet alone the needs of someone more needy than I am.
  
• At the moment, I like where I am...unattached and free to roam the world. fabulous.