may you live in interesting times ...

It seems that life always seems to get in the way of my actually writing about it, so I am just going to say  I think it makes for an interesting update. As the saying goes, change is the actual constant in life and I live to embrace that. Since I was around, a lot has happened.

I went to Zimbabwe for about a month. It's always bittersweet, because I never want to leave and I always end up imaging my life had I not moved to North Carolina. It was an amazing time, seeing family is always refreshing. 

I moved to Washington, D.C . The transition has been blessedly painless thanks to friends and I am trying to just my footing with a new city. I do like it here and I am just waiting to see what else it has to offer me in the months to come. I am hoping for the six figure salary ha ha. I am taking it a day at a time as so far so good 

 



I turned 25...much to my dismay as I don't think 16 year old me would be pleased the the whole lot of nothing on the things I imagined I would be doing when I turned 25. At what age is I am trying to find myself stops being a legitimate answer?

 


Lastly, I have crossed off another thing on my 101 list of things to do (#14).

I am making a promise to myself to do at least a weekly blog.

32 &79- MUSICAL THEATRE DARLING

“It does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop.”

Wisdom of Confucius

So a year or so ago, if not more  I took on a task that was meant to motivate me to, get out there and LIVE and not merely be a bystander in my own life. Then said life got in the way and I haven't completed as much as I would have at the moment, but easy does it, whatever. However,  I have managed to completed some of that daunting list and I've had some fun doing it. 

In April, (yes were are currently in September) I went to New York City with Rebecca to see How To Succeed In Business (Without Really Trying) which if for those not in the know is a broadway musical which is currently starting Daniel Radcliffe. By going I got to check od two things on my list, as well as meet and just generally be in the presence of Harry Pot- I mean Daniel Radcliffe. Who is this cute little pint-size ball of perfectness, both in the play and in everything else he decides to do. Here is some picture evidence.

Pint Size Perfection

Now anyone who knows me also knows about my deep love of Harry Potter, this was huge. I might have been interested in the play because he was in it but it truly was an a great show with  great cast. We got box seats, only because I didn't sleep, drank all night, meet some interesting New York characters and waited in line an obscene amount but it was all work it.

While we were in the city, I also got to stop by my girl Carrie's Brownstone, did some Karaoke horribly and all around just enjoyed my time.

So to numbers 32, which is only partially done as I have four more broadway plays to see and to 79 which is totally done. Hoorah.

I am holding on to this until an Ebay Payout

I might also be a little too old to this excited about this kind of stuff, but Peter Pan says, whatevs.

P.S- This puts me like second degrees from every major amazing British Actor known to man and that list includes Mr Darcy, I mean Colin Firth and if I think hard enough Jude Law.

Smiles

Yes, That is me with a Tony Winner. You're Jeal.

strip me.

Everyday I fight for
All my future somethings
A thousand little wars
I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime
Earning things that I don't need
But that's like chasing rainbows
And coming home empty




I'm changing.  Everyday I feel this shift in myself that seems like puzzle pieces moving about to find their place in the new landscape of the person I am becoming. There are a few things that I can pin point that I know changed the person that I could have become.


Constant Vigilance, I have learned so much from the Harry Potter series and the biggest lesson has to that of keeping your eyes open and to always proceed with caution, but not to the point it cripples you. Constant vigilance is simply understanding that its always important to take a second and closer look, to know that not everything is as it seems, and that not everything is going to be the way we imagined it was. Its understanding that rush judgement can and will forsake us.  I know that every single Harry Potter fan has their story, of why this series means so much to them, and my story is at one point in my childhood, Harry Potter was my imaginary friend who was there when no one else was, who was there when I was trying to fit in and the new world that I suddenly had to call home. It made me realize that it was okay to be different, that our differences actually enrich our interactions and make the world an interesting place to be. This is what I will always carry with me, that my experiences, my friends and my choices are making me into the the person that I am and will become with more living. 

everyday is a school day.

Earlier on today, I got tagged in  blog post from Liadee but all I could read from it was that is was going to be a post about what her friends have taught her, and I couldn't read it right then so I got to thinking, what is it that I have taught someone, what mark have I left on her and on others what would warrant a mention. I was not entirely sure that I had taught anyone anything really. At the end of the day we are the sum total of those people and the lessons and impressions  they left on us and we chose to hang to to.  Those lessons we do hang on to are those we then pass on to others even if we don't realize it that we are leaving a part of ourselves to those we spend time with.

Once I got a chance to read what worldly lesson I had imparted to her, I couldn't help but laugh, because that same lesson is one my mother has been teaching ever since I could remember. Mama always said don't be stupid, think twice before you jump,  be practical. Of course during my rebellion years I did just the opposite and I got to learn some things about myself, the world and the people in th because of it. 

the twenty something plight

the hardest thing for twenty somethings, well for me at least is that its harder to make make real friends now that it was back then. It's not so much as making friends than it is the wanting the have the friends you have in the same vicinity has you, but that gets harder and harder as people move away and move on. So you fall into a routine because you have suddenly found yourself in a 9 to 5 which when you were younger you swore you wanted because it would fix all those life ending situations only a teenager can have, but no amount of Dolly Parton singing will turn back time, but this is what you wanted right? right? After work, are exhausted and you just want to sleep. and you repeat process. 

Sometimes I just want to scream that I want my friends back, my old life back, or something which I don't really know because another thing I can't seem to be able to so is made a life decision. figures. 

the journey is home.

A recurring theme in my life as been trying to figure out were home is. Looking back, I have even talked about it when I went back to Zimbabwe after so many years away. I am forever trying to reconcile my Zimbabwean heritage with my American upbringing and my need to explore the rest of the world to find those pieces of myself in those yet to be discovered places. I find myself being uncomfortable with being in the same place all the time, I have travelled away from home at very opportunity since I can remember and in the recent months, I have gone above and beyond to prove that. It might have something to do with hating my job, but that's another story, another dollar. In the recent months so many changes have taken place and what I can say I have taken way from it is that for me at least, I have figured out that the journey is home. The constant exploration of new and old places and faces is what grounds me when the positive is hard to find or I am at my wits' end. Figuring out where home is like a piece of the puzzle that is my so called life slotting into place, discovering something about myself that settles the constant questions that are forever swirling relentlessly in my mind.

It's been months since I have felt like putting my thoughts down and I am glad I am getting my mojo back. It's definitely time to start again.

you can't text message break-up:

"Now,not wanting to change it but having to change it? That takes everything you've got."- John Mayer

I have always hated text messaging, as I much prefer the swift phone call, but I went along with the times and joined the texting train. There is so much about texting that has always irritated me, you send a message and then you wait for the response, when you could have just called and said whatever it is that needs to be said. However, in today's world people seem to be losing the spoken word. I get it sometimes you can't talk because you are in a meeting, at work or around other people whatever the case maybe, but I think there should be some times that you can't text. Conversations that are too delicate and too important to have though text messages. Imagine a text message proposal, no one accepts that so why should it be acceptable for people avoid conversations by texting them. There are issues with how someone can receive a message and it reads like its not meant to and you end up with people putting words in your mouth and things get out of hand. That's why Carrie went crazy over being broken up with on a post it note,  I say post it note, text message, Dear John letters, emails or whatever shouldn't be used, its not right, it demeans the relationship, it says you are not even worth a phone call or even an in person conversation. 

So this is a pledge I am making to myself. I will no longer be using text message as means of communication. I will call, maybe leave a message and that's that. One good thing is I can now stop giving AT&T $10 per month for unlimited texting because I won't be needing it. I can actually even use that ten bucks to treat myself to some marathons at the $1.50 movie theatre. When a door closes, a window opens and all that jazz. 

dream big or go home

At the last minute, I have decided that I am going to participate in this year's National Novel Writing Month, in which I have to write 50, 000 words of a novel or have a completed novel by then.  It was an impulse decision, which seems to be how I do this anyways and it feels right that I at least attempt it. I feel like in my Master's degree so far I have written more than than so I should be able to write 50,000 words of whatever I want and hopefully without using the words International Relations  for once.  At this moment I got nothing. No plot, no characters, I don't even have a clue as to what kind of novel I am going to attempt to write. While I know it won't be science fiction, a mystery or suspense, I got noting. When I first decided I joked about my name coming after #1 New York Bestselling author, dream big or go home I say. I am interested in were this ridiculous attempt/adventure will take me, I am prepared to fail completely and utterly but I am hoping that this will become something I can be proud of myself for. It will certainly give me something to do and occupy my time and allow myself to see what I am capable of. This is also crazy because I have my school work to contend with so basically I am insane.

I currently have less than 500 words of what I don't know so luckly its no plot no problem, otherwise I would be in big trouble. There a NaNoWriMo kick off thing happening tonight so I am thinking about heading over there maybe I will be shamed into actually coming up with some that can possibly reach 50000 words by the end of November. I have a feeling that for me November will be learning month,  more so than usual, but as they say , everyday is a school day.

fleeting freedom

It's a bit weird to find myself back here, exactly were I started. I have always had this idea that to achieve freedom I should go far away from home, somewhere nobody knew who I was and what my story was so that I could have a blank slate to be whoever I wanted to be. So being me, I left home and moved to a foreign country to live a life long fantasy that allowed me buckets of freedom. There I was anonymous in the crowd, girl A and I had the freedom to be whoever I wanted to be. Sometimes I would go out with an alias like those secret agents, complete with background story, Diana Prince, Mary Jane Kent , Stella Rollingrock, for me the fun lay in the name as I would smile to myself when I said  because it was obviously a way to geek out on all the comic book, t.v or movie characters. I enjoyed the anonymity that I was afforded and being back here feels like I am caged in with no way out, I feel as though I have taken several steps backwards and I have to start over. I feel like I am losing this race against my own goals and expectations, like I have failed myself.  Things aren't has simple as  as they seemed to just a mere week ago before I came back home.

I feel like nothing has changed at all yet nothing is as it was before...well maybe me talking in vague confusing terms like Dumbledore or Mr Miyagi is the only difference.  I feel like how you feel when you get back into your driver's seat after someone else has driven your car and has changed your seat and I am trying to get it back to a comfortable position, but I don't want to comfortable position to be what it was before. England didn't change my life forever, it enriched it with new experiences, friends and most importantly freedom. It was exactly what the doctor ordered but now I have to figure out the next steps from here, from this place I feel like is caging me in from all angles wanting to keep me trapped and immediate response is wanting to run away as far as I can to get back I what think I lost.

you got the love.

• 
  
  "Later that day, I got to thinking about relationships.There are those that open you up to something new and exotic.Those that are old and familiar.Those that bring up lots of questions.Those that bring you somewhere unexpected.Those that bring you far from where you started. And those that bring you back.

  But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all...is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you, you love, Well, that's just fabulous."

  Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  
• I have been thinking about relationships lately and I don't think I can put in better words than those above the many different kinds of relationships there just might be. Moving to a new city where you no virtually no one makes you appreciate the relative comfort of the relationships who already have as well has see just how strong they are. Another interesting thing about moving to a new city is how hard making real connections actually is when there isn't a pretext of going though the same experience like moving away to college to act as a starting point. Its interesting to meet and converse with someone with the full knowledge that the chances of ever seeing that person again are very very slim, but you talk about whatever, laugh together and share a bit of yourselves  regardless of how meaningless the conversation actually is and that is the beauty and the curse of virtual anonymity because sooner or later, you are going to need and want something more concrete.  You're going to miss the easy moments with friends and family that are now not as easy to organize and the I should have are starting to pile up.  I guess I have had relationships on the mind because it seems everyone around me is settling down, moving in together, getting married and having and/ or planning to have babies and I seem to be running away fast in the opposite direction. The thing about other people doing all this sort of makes you think about it yourself.  When I was younger I would have just dismissed the idea of marriage and would have said something along the lines of "its for other people, not me" but I think now its more of a maybe I could be the marrying type, maybe and even if I were to get married it wouldn't be now, definitely later and as for kids, at the moment thats still a solid no. Most days I feel like I can barely take of my needs yet alone the needs of someone more needy than I am.
  
• At the moment, I like where I am...unattached and free to roam the world. fabulous. 

music equals magic

There is something about hearing a song for the first time, the uncertainty and anticipation about whether or not you will connect with that song.Music is a lot of things for a lot of different people. For some is a way to escape, to forget, to remember and to belong.  For me music is all those things as well as about connecting and getting a sense of camaraderie  and a sense of I am not alone after all. Music is magic in its own way, the way it is strongly attached to memories is extraordinary. Like how every time I hear On the Radio by Regina Spektor I am immediately transported to furiously writing a paper at 5am in the morning that was due in two hours , or how It's A Metaphor fool  by Say Anything reminds me of my roommate and our dorm room and all the memories we made there.

When I have a good playlist going, I feel like I am actually never alone, and I feel like my train ride was actually shorter than I thought it would be because the music made the journey. I guess this is like my ode to music, to the songs that mean so much to me, to the catchy ones that terrorize me, to the ones I love to hate.

To Music.

me three.

3 names I go by:
1. Hither
2. Hithy
3. Hith

3 jobs I have had:
1. Desk Receptionist in the college dorms
2. Office Assistant (speaks for itself)
3. Public Relations Director for Student Media (My fanciest job title to date)

3 places I have lived:
1. Harare, Zimbabwe
2. Wilmington, NC
3. Raleigh, NC

3 fave drinks:
1. Coffee
2. Cherry Coke
3. Lady Gray Tea

3 TV shows I watch:
1. Bones
2. CougarTown
3. Glee

3 places I have been:
1. NYC
2. LA
3. Austin, Texas

3 places I would like to visit:
1. Prague
2. Ireland
3. UK

3 fave retro TV shows:
1. Friends
2. Will and Grace
3. Boy meets World

3 fave dishes:
1. eggs any way, except over easy ( you mean over gross me out)
2.beans on toast
3. popcorn- not a dish but my love for popcorn in strong

3 things I am looking forward to:
1. Living in London
2. Finishing my Masters by the end of the year
3. Getting a job


Three makeup Products I Can't Live Without: 
1. Eyeliner
2. Eyeliner
3. Moisturizer 


Three Superpowers I Wish I Had: 
1. Flying
2.Mind reading/ tell the future
3. Healing


Three Songs Currently on Rotation1. When did your heart your heart go missing by Rooney
2. Precious Love by James Morrison 
3. Carry On by Martha Wash

Join the Fun. Everyone

do blah blah blah in london town.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

I think I made the decision that one day I wanted to live in London when I was about thirteen, this might have been under the influence of teen punch drunk crush on one Jude Law and complete awe of the Spice Girls...I know, I know, it was ten years ago, I was young and ridiculous... get over it. It has taken plenty of years of false starts to finally be able to say I am going to London, yes the reasons have shifted and evolved just as I have but at the moment that thirteen year old is screaming her heart out...oh wait I think she just passed out from uttter excitement...no worries, she will be fine :)

I have always had this sense of London was something I had to do for myself. I am fascinated by the history, the culture and the people. I have always wanted to experience it all myself. Mind you, this is not the only place I want to visit, if I could I would want to live everywhere just for a little while. 

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” – Martin Buber

I am excited, terrified, anxious, ecstatic and buried under a mountain of paper work and information I am trying to make sense of. I think it just hit me today that I am really doing this and in came the questions, where will I live?, what's the best place?, the cheapest?, the closest to school?, can I get a job,? do I need a job?, what about my phone?, can I use it there without AT&T? what about my netflix account? Will I meet people? Will my visa get here on time? is the tube easy to learn? and a whole gang of other questions and concerns I haven't even thought about yet. One thing I am not worried about is the English differences. I was raised on the Queens English and hallelujah to that, even now ten years later, I still say till and gawked at like a crazy person, so at least that's one less thing. 

I am just excited about the opportunity and the experiences that are in store for me and how they will change me as a person. 

Been There, Done That.

While it might not look it, based on my lack of new posts. Its been a busy February. I managed to go to the most violent city in the world (Juarez, Mexico) without even a clue that's what I was getting myself into, thank God, I lived to tell the tale. It didn't look dangerous, it had a lot of character and a lot of history as well. It starts like this, I went to L.A to help Rebecca move back east, and that included yet another coast to coast roadtrip, the first one was almost two years ago helping her move to L.A. I hate sitting in a car for a long time, actually I hate actual travel, whether by plane, train, car, boat whatever, I don't like it one bit, but the world traveler in me takes it because the destination is always worth it. So with an obnoxious thousands of miles to drive we hit the road on a Monday. Driving from Los Angeles, California to El Paso, Texas. this is were we decided to go to Mexico , the opportunity was there so we went. It never crossed our minds to check to see exactly were we were going. It was only after we are in Mexico and we see men with guns and such patroling that we thought well, this might be unsafe. So in all my wisdom we got a taxi tour of the city and were out of there in under an hour . So what can be learned from this. Always google your destination.

33. 36.- Let's Start Here

So because of my hiatus, I am a little bit behind, or something like that, but I have managed to get a couple of things checked off.

While in Zimbabwe I got 33. Get second ear piercing. I winced and cried like a little girl...actually the lady said none of the little girls all day had cried and this was all before she even put the piercing gun close to my ear.Once the horrendous experience ( a whole minute of a slight pinch) was over. I felt quite ridiculous for the dramatic and tearful experience I provided the jewelery store employees but its all in a days work.

36. Try 10 new restaurants.

Mom and I went to this place on Monday and I a good time. Its one of those big screens on every wall, playing every imaginable sport known to man. The food was okay, nothing mind blowing as to be expected in a place that specializes in a tower of beer. ha ha.

So it seems I am making slow but steady progress.

Your Past: A Legacy?

Recently, I feel like the past is so very much my present. Whether its that I see a person that at one point was major fixture in my life or song will trigger a memory  and I am struck with a deep feeling of nostalgia so much so, I wish I could return to that moment. It is widely agreed upon that the past helps shape the character and personality of a person, as well as the decisions we make or don't make, the invitations to go out we accepted or declined as small as it might seem, it make up the sum total of experiences that define a part of the present.

Lately, I find myself turning over decisions I made in the past or decisions as current as yesterday and wondering if it was the right choice. I am not into regretting my past, I am all about embracing it, taking whatever lesson to be had and promptly moving on. Earlier today I made a comment about my past not leaving me alone and someone said it was my legacy. Looking back on my life thus far, there is nothing I have done, that I am intensely proud of and there is nothing I have done I regret or am shameful of. I might have regretted somethings in the moment after but in retrospect it is just something that happened. I know that feelings fade with time but there are some things that the feelings are the exact same as they were the moment they happened and no matter how many years I am removed from that moment, I will feel the same amount of  disappointment, joy, glee or whatever feelings. Are these moments the legacy as they never fade?

Catching Up is Hard To Do

I haven't written a blog in a little over two months and that means, I am behind in my 101 in 1001 list among other things. It sucks to be behind but the reason for it was totally well worth it. The time I spent with my family was incredible. Just being back was a truly amazing experience to the point of I did not want to come back. 2009 was a year of plenty of changes and I am sure 2010 will be as well. I spent the last two months of the year in Zimbabwe with my family. It was a time of celebrations and plenty of togetherness. One of my sisters(cousin) got married and I got to reconnect with my family. I had a good time and I have made a decision to go back a lot more often than the previous years. I have a lot to catch up on, and the beginning of 2010 will be dedicated to doing just that, but i also hope it will will be filled with new adventures, opportunities, laughter and all that jazz.

the journey home.

I have been truly blessed. I have wonderful friends (you know you who are, or at least I hope I have told you). Those can say they know me and there aren't that many of them, would completely agree and say that I don't always see the silver lining and I am more pessimistic than most. However, in the recent weeks, even I can see all that I have been blessed with and truly be thankful. As I am writing this, I am sitting on a flight back home. In the sense that is home if where the heart is, then mine is split between the place of my birth, my heritage, where I will always belong and the place I grew up and became who I am today. I am journeying back home, yet I am leaving home behind. I have been at plenty of crossroads before and I am at one now. I am excited yet wary. Who I was when I left is no longer who I am now. Those places that I once knew so well are they going to feel foreign? Am I a torist or am I going back home and it would be like riding a bike( which took me three years to learn how to ride by the way)?


Either I want it or not is going to be a time to reflect. I have been feeling a little lost maybe this trip home will help me find my way. I have joked about going and not coming back, but who knows really, a lot can happen in two months. There are plenty of things I am going to miss, here is a list:


Thursdays with Lanira, no one can watch movies like we do, Angsty phone calls from Becks about whatever boy is the flavour of the week., Bella's crazy drama, she truly belongs in France drinking cafe in a Cafe, Crazy weekends with my boys from Wilmington and my GC loves who also provide the best entertainment, random but very welcome calls from great friends just calling to catch up because we  haven't spoken to in ages but it feels like we have just seen each other yesterday and the emails exchanged over which wedding photographer to pick, Skype Video chat just because we can, the spur of the moment trip because someone doesn't want to drive alone, attempts to hang out with those two I have known forever( I say attempt because its a blue moon we actually manage it ;) conversations about just how lost and conflicted were are, Starbucks Venti Vanilla Lattes, Bones, House, Glee, Cougar Town, and every other show I watch on T.V and many things I am sure I am forgetting. I am also going to gain a lot, I will spend time with my family face to face and it will be awesome.


I am gonna stop now before I actually cry while I write this.

#60 flexing the creative muscles.

I write occasionally. Sometimes I am really proud of what I accomplish, others I am glad I am the only person that has seen the nonsense that finds itself on a page without my knowledge. Part of the 101 challenge is to write a poem a month, now whether the poem will be good; well that's up to opinion and I always take those with a grain of salt or simply ignore them if I so choose. I do welcome constructive criticism- this means you have something to add thats relevent and will help instead of just saying I don't like it. So for the first in a series of 33, wow maybe I can publish a book after this ha. I present a little poem, thats been edited so many times I barely recognize ( apparently a writer never truly finished the editing process)  but I somehow like it. 

Heirloom 

a moment in time given

to the pain that coils about my body

like the comfort that made me cry

when you touched me like a family heirloom

Passed down

Precious and priceless

used and useless

I felt like I was

anywhere but my own skin.

the laugh lines around my eyes

become the only souvenirs of 

our time together. 

I find myself grasping for memories 

 that were once as vivid 

as this moment. 

your scent clings to me

becoming the essence of

another version of myself

altered by moments infused by your laughter

deceived by words that wrapped around me

comfortable, toxic

I don't know why I wrote it, but its out there now. 

busy as a bee.

It's been a week since I put up and committed to my list of a 101 things I want to accomplish in 2 .75 years and I've got to say, I am off to a bad start. I have yet to attempt even a single thing on the list. I don't even have a better excuse than life happens. In the past week, I have gotten into a fender bender, my first in my driving career. I was more pissed of than anything that it happened. I wasn't even on my phone or anything. It was one of those things that blindside you when you have plans and a million things to accomplish and no room in your budget to accommodate such things. The only thing is that it could have been much worse than it was but at the same I keep thinking it didn't need to happen at all. After the excitement of the minor traffic accident, I went with a friend to Washington D.C for four days. It was fun, I love DC and am making moves to make it my new address. Being the dork that I am,I salivated and spent an obscene amount of time at the Library of Congress. The place is awesome . The picture below, is one of the many things I love about the Library of Congress. Its of the Goddess Athena or Minerva. 

Not only was it fun, but I think I got some serious work out. We walked the National Mall from Capitol Hill, all the way to the Lincoln Memorial. I finally got to see all of that stuff so it was cool. Now I wish I had put some of the things I did this past weekend on my list, a lot of things would be getting crossed off. I plan on going back, there is still much to see in the federal city. 


I am hoping that things will settle down this week and I can sort of get back in the groove of things but I know its only wishful thinking, I have to start packing for my trip to Zimbabwe. I am excited, overwhelmed, scared, and just downright  think its weird that I am finally going back. I know I am going to feel like an outsider in a place I still consider home. I've changed and Zimbabwe has definitely changed, so hopefully it will be a nice to reacquaint